Almost 2 years later....

I'm feeling good. It's been almost two years since my Gyn suggested, "Hey, since you're not pregnant right now, why don't you get your baseline mammogram?" You know, because back then, the recommended age for first mammograms was 35.  Three months after my diagnosis, the new recommendations raised the age to 40. Thanks, but I like NOT being dead or having a further dimished life-capacity. Curse you, age 40 mammograms!!

So, what am I doing? Trying to get knocked up. (Not all by my self of course. CJ's helping, too.) I finished my Herceptin back in January and allowed the following months to clear it out of my system. I still feel a bit unbalanced, so I've been pursuing acupuncture. I found a great acupuncturist, Christopher Grodski. He's also a licensed herbalist. I feel much better and it's definately been helping my menstrual cycle, which shortened due to chemo, down to 24 days. In other words, a shortened luteal phase, which isn't good if you're trying to spawn. I'm back up to 26 days.  And I'm more awake, always helpful in keeping up with Miss Elizabeth.

I feel especially joyous during summer. (Yeah, even the hot, sticky, DC ones.) I'll spare everyone the whole, "I'm alive, it's wonderful, I have my family," spiel.  (I'm just not comfy being overly-gooey.) But I definately have more appreciation for the wheel of the year.

My Grandmother's Christmas Tree

Here is a picture of my favorite decoration. It was my Grandmother Antonides. She made it in the ceramic class that everyone's grandmother was required to take in the late 1960s. (Speaking of which, I still want the popcorn bowl set she made in the class. It's among the missing from my parent's move from my childhood home.) 

My Grandmother's Christmas Tree

My grandmother made three trees. One for my mom, one for my aunt, and one for herself. Good thing, too. There are three Antonides grandchildren; one for each of us. 

I inherited the one she made for herself. Unfortunately, it needed more than just a spit-n-polish cleaning. The base was shattered. 

CJ, my hero, spent hours with a bottle of Krazy Glue and put it all back together. I had a new plug and light bulb base put in so that it wouldn't catch fire.

Note the cracks running through the base and the small hole near the light bulb.

Fully restored, ready to be Elizabeth's favorite decoration someday.

"Bring On the Christmas!!"

This is how CJ describes my instant attitude transformation after towards Christmas right after Thanksgiving dinner is over.

I don't like hearing Christmas music until after Thanksgiving.  I feel that proper attention is not paid to Thanksgiving if I listen to it beforehand. I'm cheesed that one of the DC radio stations started playing Christmas music two weeks before Thanksgiving. Especially since I just KNOW that the station will stop playing holiday music at noon on Christmas Day. Which annoys me the most. It's like saying, "Well. Done with that holiday. No more money to be made off of people. Let's get back to playing easy listening."

But since Thanksgiving is over.....I'm busting out the decorations!!!!!

Ooops! I Didn't Blog About My 6 Year Wedding Anniversary

This does not mean, however, that CJ and I didn't celebrate it. We did. I did not have time to post because I spent most of the 17th of July in my car, with my mom and Elizabeth, driving to Ludington, Michigan. We met up with CJ, my dad, Andy, and John. (Who got to fly to Michigan, lucky bastards. I especially appreciated Andy texting me pictures of his time that day spent in the First Class lounge for Delta in Detroit, enjoying free mimosas and Bloody Marys. Grr.......)

CJ and I did get to go out for an anniversary dinner that night. Andy and John came with us and my parents babysat Elizabeth.

We enjoyed dinner but the after-dinner drinks were more fun! A nice, relaxing time. Thank you, Blu Moon! The food was much better and for the quality, the innovation and price were just right. (I dislike mainstream American seafood and steak places that deliver basic, OK-tasting food and expect to be paid a small fortune.)

CJ and I have been together.....are you ready? FOR 13 YEARS!!! Dating 7, married 6. Eeek!!

Here is the closing prayer we had read at our wedding. It says everything, perfectly.

Now you will feel no rain,
for each of you will be shelter for the other.

Now you will feel no cold,
for each of you will be warmth for the other.

Now there is no more loneliness.

Now you are two persons,
but there is only one life before you.

May your days together be good and long
upon the earth.

It Will Be a Year This Friday That I Was Diagnosed

So, I'm going to change this blog to be more inclusive of ......my life. Makes sense, since there is more to life than having or living through cancer. (I don't think the word, "survivor" is accurate. At least not until the cancer patient dies of something else.)

Plus, I'm lazy. If I don't start blogging about daily things here, I'll never get round to doing it anywhere else.

As for the anniversary....I still maintain my "You've got Cancer!" (I always think of it in the tones of AOL's famous, "You've Got Mail!" voice) moment will never be a Lifetime movie. I said, "Fuck!" too many times. And while I found my mom's reaction to hearing I had breast cancer almost comical (hey-don't judge me. It was 11:30am and had been a long day already. Crying and hiding in the bathroom so Elizabeth wouldn't be scared, calling CJ at work and Jo at home. Long day.)

Polly: "Mom, my gyno just called back with biopsy results. I've got breast cancer."
Mom: "NO!"
Polly: "Yes; now I've..(interrupted)
Mom: "NO!"
Polly: "Yes. Do you think you could (interrupted again)
Mom: "NO!!!!!!!"
Polly: "Yes."
Mom: "NO!"
Polly: OK, this is getting us no where. I. HAVE. CANCER. Can you hurry up with Denial phase and just move to Anger?"
Mom: "I'm coming right over." (hangs up and is at my house in 20 minutes.)

It had to have been one of the stranger weekends in my life. My parents spent all Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with CJ, Elizabeth, and I. Took us out for dinner, went to our pool, etc. I kept feeling like everyone was watching me, like they were waiting for the Big Emotional Cancer Breakdown or something equally mushy. Drama, I'm good with-mushy, not so much. (At least to anyone over the age of 4!)

My first phone calls to spread the Un-happy news were to CJ, at work, and Jo, at home in Minnesota.
CJ said, "Oh, shit." I quite concur-it really was an OSM. (Oh Shit Moment.) He snapped into asking questions about the biopsy and said he was coming home immediately. I can't remember if I was crying then. I think CJ was trying to do three thing at once:

1. Not freak in his office
2. Comfort his wife, over a phone
3. Try to start getting cancer/medical stuff DONE!

I'm sure he wanted to indulge in a momentary mini-breakdown. I wouldn't have blamed him. But he's CJ. He keeps it together, asks the right questions, and come home immediately and made me fresh, homemade crabcakes.

You never really think you'll be putting those marriage vows of "in sickness and in health" to use so soon. To put it simply; he is the best person I know and the best decision I've ever made.

I called Jo next. I think that's when I started crying. Told my BF and sobbed, "Will you come out if I have to have surgery?" (sob! sniffle!) I felt so much better-there didn't seem to be a moment of hesitation-"Of course, I'll come!!" Thank you again, so much.

The hardest "I've Got Cancer" phone calls were to my mom (see above) because I knew I would have to emotionally take care of her and I was feeling already overextended; and to my friend, Bill. Because his father died from cancer back in 2005. I get the feeling (and I could be wrong-it does happen occasionally!) that people who lose someone they loved to cancer have more of a visceral reaction to your cancer news. It ain't pretty. And they know it-they have a better idea than most people in the world of what you'll be facing. They ask the more pointed and specific questions right off the bat.

I still just feel horrible for calling Bill on his vacation. I remember that when I finally got in touch with him, he was giving his kids a bath. I said, "I was just diagnosed with breast cancer today." And then.....total quiet, except the splashing of Lilibet and Charlotte in the water.

Made it through the horrible (because after a while, I was just exhausted from having to repeat/relieve the story of my diagnosis yet AGAIN) phone calls.

Told my in-laws. Knew right away that Betsy would be do everything she could and would take care of Elizabeth for us during surgery. She did more than that-she kept my child HAPPY, in a truly crappy time. I can never thank her enough.

Good. I've now recorded it for Posterity. Now I can move along to this year.

I'm hoping that this year brings:

1. No cancer return trips. Gee, I think that's a given.
2. I'd like to have another baby, when my Herceptin is finished in December. We can start trying in March.
3. My long hair. I want it back.

Peace, prosperity, health. You know the drill.

I Want a New Drug

In the words of the famous 80's singer, Huey Lewis. I'm having sleep problems. "Brought to you by the cancer wonder-drug, Tamoxifen!!"" Tamoxifen is an antiestrogen.  Antiestrogens bind to estrogen receptor site on cancer cells thus blocking estrogen from going into the cancer cell.  This interferes with cell growth and eventually leads to cell death."


That's all well and good but I wake up like clockwork at 3am, too hot to sleep. It's not a hot flash-I'm just perpetually warmer. 


I'm taking Black Cohosh to reduce the symptoms. Nothing is happening. So, I talked to my oncologist about it. She prescribed Rozerum, a sleeping med. Well, NOW I'm tired. At 3am, I was hot and awake. Bummer. 

Two New Cancer Articles to Scare the Poop Out of You

I'm not surprised, in the middle of the recession, that this is occuring. "Study: Millions of Cancer Survivors Put Off Care."

But the second article really got me thinking. Especially since I already have "issues" with estrogen on account of the PCOS. My Inconvenient Truth Sense is tingling...... is it all connected? Or did I just have too much coffee this morning?

BPA Exposure Much Higher in Canned Food Than Plastic Containers

So, I'm not buying Diet Coke in cans anymore. In fact, I'm now totally paranoid and trying to avoid using canned food unless necessary. (Which is really unfortunate, as canned food is cheap. And I've never seen sweetened condensed milk in a carton.)

Why the sudden healthy hissy-fit?

BPA and Breast Cancer Link

Now, I realize it's a day late and a dollar short to prevent me from getting breast cancer. But, gee, I'd sure as heck like to stop it from making a return trip. And I'd like Elizabeth and any future children to have less of chance of getting it.

Thus, my spaghetti-O boycott begins...

One Headlight....and Other Cancer Fashion Decisions

You know, like the Jakob Dylan song from the 90's. Only I'm talking nipples. Tonight at my Breast Cancer support group I found out that I have the reconstruction option (when the time comes) to either have a new nipple created by either a tattoo or a skin graft. The skin graft option leaves you permanently "on," or your breast is constantly thinking you are in the frozen food aisle of the grocery store with just a tank top.

I have no idea what I'll decide to do. I'm still trying to figure out what to do about my hair.

Now, as I've said, I didn't lose all of it. But I lost enough that it is looking scraggly. Especially below the ears. So, should I buzz it off or just Mia Farrow it? Sorry to go against conventional wisdom (but since I do it all the time anyhow) but I think I'll just chop it short. Why? I've had a bob before, back in the early 90s. My best friend looked at it and asked, "Are you trying to look butch?" Actually, no, I wasn't. And to be politically correct, butch is A.OK. with me. And my friend. But since I am a girly-type person when it comes to make-up, fashion, my friend was doing her best Miss Manners to let me know that that look wasn't working for me.

I was going for Louise Brooks. Clearly, not what it ended up looking like on me. Sigh.

This is why I fear the Short (or is it Shorn?) Haircut on me. Cancer really doesn't do much for your looks to begin with-and I think I got off easy by the fact I had already decided to have the girls reduced. Lefty is much more manageable now. And so darn perky!! But the rest of cancer doesn't help. I didn't even lose weight from chemo. I gained 5 lbs. from the steroids. Life is cruel. Actually, life wasn't cruel-people are weird. They can't reconcile plus size, young women as chemo patients. We don't "look" the part. I guess my life will never be a Lifetime for Women movie. (This and many other reasons. The first being my response when told by my Gyn that my biopsy had come back positive. Instead of the typical Lifetime music playing in the background and the dignified sniffle and welling tears, I sounded pissed and said, "Oh, SHIT." And some other four letter words.)

I don't want to look any uglier than I have to-so, I'm avoiding the buzz cut. I'll post what it looks like when I get it done. For now, I have my uber-expensive, hand-tied, European human hair wig to keep me looking good and feeling itchy. (I just tell people it's a bad case of head lice when I scratch in public.)

Possible Breast Cancer Vaccine?

Crossing my fingers on this one!! (No, not for me.) For Elizabeth.

US Developed Vaccine Could "Eliminate Breast Cancer"

Cancer Transmitted to Man Through Transplant

Or, why I'm not allowed to be an organ donor or blood donor anymore.

I wonder if I should have my driver's license changed?

Admittedly, this is a bizarre case.

NY Man's Kidney Transplant Gave Him Uterine Cancer

When You Didn't Lose All Your Hair, How Do You Know When It's Growing Back?

Everyone tells me I should see some peach-fuzz but how? Especially since I keep my hair colored? (Yeah, I am that vain. I do use vegetable-based hair color so I don't kill my hair.)

I Wore the Wig...And Prefer Being Little of Hair

I wore the tre-expensive wig  for CJ's office party. (The party was supposed to take place at Christmas time but was postponed due to the Snowpocalypse '09.)

Sorry, I just got tired of having very thin hair. I feel like my high-school English teacher, Mr. Letnitch. That man had the most interesting way of arranging his comb-over.

Hey-I can pin it up or back, but face it. The old grey mare she ain't what she used to be.

"It is Finished."

My chemo, that is. Twelve weeks of weekly infusions of Taxol and Herceptin, with lots of lovely pre-meds.  Now I just have a year of Herceptin, which is a hormonal therapy. I'll be getting infusions of Herceptin every three weeks.

The season of Ostara, Passover, and Easter is especially poignant to me this year. New beginnings for me because of Divine Intervention (in the form of an early mammogram and my raging hypochondria.) I have been Blessed.

Blessings come with responsibilities; I must remember to humble and grateful, else I waste what was given to me from Above. I take inspiration from Jo-perseverance, Kristen K.-remember to be humble, and Jess's tatoo of the old Shaker song, "Tis a gift to be simple, tis a gift to be free."

By the way, when my mom took me home from chemo yesterday, I had a surprise waiting at home. CJ and Elizabeth had filled the living room with pink balloons and blue crepe streamers!!!! The loves of my life!!

Sorry for the unusually soggy and uber-sentimental nature of the this post.

OK-now I'm off to garden, heal, and grow back the half of my hair that did fall out.  

Study Confirms Pregnancy Safe for Breast Cancer Survivors

Woo-hoo! It's official. Pregnancy is safe for breast cancer survivors!

BARCELONA, Spain - Women who survive breast cancer and have childrenafterwards don't appear to be at any higher risk of dying from cancer, a new study says.

Doctors have long worried pregnancy might spark hormonal changes in breast cancer survivors that could spur the disease's return, and many breast cancer patients are counseled against getting pregnant after they recover.

In research presented Friday at a European breast cancer conference in Barcelona, experts said pregnancy in women who have been treated for breast cancer is safe and does not seem to be linked with the disease's recurrence.

Well, guess I know what we'll be doing a year from now....

So, Polly, How's Chemo Brain Treating You?

Oh......so fuzzy. But I really don't mind. (Must be a side-effect. That and not having a full-time job doing anything that requires precision.) Wheee......

Actually, so far it's not bad. I'm just....spacey. I think I seem anti-social when it hits. (Although, when it hits with fatigue, I do get pretty monosyllabic.)

Chemo brain makes everything fuzzy and OK.

I Heart Steroids..on Saturdays

Ah...the day after chemo is steroid day. I'm totally hyper. So far this morning, I've de-molded CJ's shower, done laundry, cleaned two bathrooms. Next, I will be painting the front door. (Because we live in a HOA that has assigned colors for each house and it's a new door.)

I'm FINALLY going to put down my compost. (Now that the pile has un-frozen.)
The corn gluten is also going down on my front lawn, now that the snow is gone. (Natural way of avoiding the germination of new crabgrass.)

Now, let's see if I can get all of this done before the 'roids wear off.

Time vs. Hair

I seem to be in a race of time concerning my hair loss. I keep losing about 8-10 strands at one time-hey, you should see my hairbrush!!

I talked to my oncologist last week during my check-up about the hairloss. She was also surprised that I hadn't lost much hair but said that many people on Taxol only see thinning.

I have a theory on that-I AM HAIRY!!! Meaning, I have more than the usual amount of hair growing on my head. Whether due to genetics or the PCOS heightened androgen levels, who knows?

Am I freaked? Yes and no. I don't want to be bald. But at the same time, I find it curiously interesting-the process of chemotherapy and it's effects on my body, in a very abstract type of way. Kind of like how I viewed my changing body during pregnancy. I AM MY OWN SCIENCE EXPERIMENT.

Study, Part: How Does This Apply to Moi?

First, you really need to read the whole darn thing.


Second, I am not part of the first generation or second generation in the study.

I'm part of the third generation, participating through US Oncology, a national oncology firm that runs Fairfax Northern Virginia Hematology Oncology where I receive weekly Taxol-only chemo. I also receive Herceptin, but that is not chemo, it's hormonal therapy.

Here's what the first and second generation parts of the study have shown that has effected me:

Much has been learned about the optimum dose and schedule for administration of paclitaxel and docetaxel from trials in patients with advanced disease. CALGB 9342 demonstrated that increasing the paclitaxel dose above 175 mg/m² every 3 weeks did not improve the response rate, time to progression, or overall survival.⁵⁴ CALGB 9840 and the Anglo-Celtic IV trials established that paclitaxel 80 mg/m² once per week was more effective than paclitaxel 175 mg/m² every 3 weeks.^55, 56 With regard to docetaxel, increasing the dose from 60 mg/m² to 100 mg/m² every 3 weeks was associated with an improved response rate and time to progression, at the expense of increased toxic effects.⁵⁷ The TAX 311 trial by the US Oncology Group demonstrated that 100 mg/m² docetaxel every 3 weeks was more effective than 175 mg/m² paclitaxel.⁵⁸

In the adjuvant setting, once-weekly paclitaxel at 80 mg/m² or docetaxel every 3 weeks at 100 mg/m² is superior to paclitaxel at 175 mg/m² every 3 weeks following four cycles of AC.⁵⁹ Two other studies by the MD Anderson and US Oncology groups also support the superiority of once-weekly paclitaxel over paclitaxel administration every 3 weeks. In the MD Anderson study, once-weekly paclitaxel followed by four cycles of FAC was associated with an increased pathologic complete response rate compared with paclitaxel 225 mg/m² every 3 weeks followed by FAC (28% versus 16%).⁶⁰ However, improvements in the pathologic complete response rate have not always been accompanied by a long-term benefit in DFS or overall survival.⁶¹ Similarly, the US Oncology Group trial demonstrated superior 5-year overall survival with doxorubicin and paclitaxel followed by once-weekly paclitaxel (AP→P1) compared with standard AC→P3 with paclitaxel administered every 3 weeks (90% versus 87%, HR 0.74, P = 0.04).⁶²With regard to sequential or concurrent administration, the BIG 02-98 trial demonstrated an improvement in DFS with sequential but not concurrent administration of docetaxel and anthracycline therapy.⁴⁷ Whether the timing of taxane therapy in relation to that of anthracyclines is important remains an open question, as most of the available sequential taxane trials administered a taxane following anthracycline therapy—the MDACC, FinHER and HORG trials are notable exceptions.

Here's the Study I'm In...

Taxanes: Optimizing Adjuvant Chemotherapy for Early Stage Breast Cancer

Please click on the link if you to read the study. This is just the abstract and key points.

Philippe L. Bedard, Angelo Di Leo & Martine J. Piccart-Gebhart  About the authors

topof page

Abstract

Taxanes are among the most widely used chemotherapy agents for advanced breast cancer. Results are now available from 21 trials that randomly allocated nearly 36,000 women with early-stage breast cancer to receive first-generation taxane-based adjuvant chemotherapy versus non-taxane-based adjuvant regimens. Three recent meta-analyses suggest that taxanes are beneficial in the adjuvant setting, irrespective of the patient's age, lymph-node involvement, hormone-receptor expression, and HER2 status. Nevertheless, the optimal role for taxanes in the adjuvant management of early-stage breast cancer remains controversial. We review the results of the first-generation taxane trials and discuss possible explanations for the differences observed in these studies, including variation in the 'strength' of anthracycline therapy in the control arms; suboptimal timing, dosing, or schedule of the taxane regimen; a masking effect of trials that included patients with relatively chemotherapy-insensitive luminal A disease; and decreased representation of the putative taxane-sensitive disease subset. Inclusion criteria for future clinical trials must be revised to account for the molecular heterogeneity of breast cancer and further optimize the role of adjuvant taxane therapy in early-stage disease.

Key points

• Recent advances in genomic profiling have highlighted the molecular heterogeneity of breast cancer and the differential responsiveness to chemotherapy according to molecular subtype
• Cumulative anthracycline administration is associated with rare but serious long-term toxic effects
• The activity of taxanes in metastatic disease, partial non-cross resistance with anthracyclines, and unique mechanism of action of these agents provide a rationale for evaluating taxanes in the adjuvant setting
• Existing meta-analyses are limited and no clear conclusions regarding the efficacy of taxanes in various patients subgroups can be drawn
• Determination of ER or HER2 status alone is unlikely to reveal which patients are likely to benefit from the inclusion of a taxane as adjuvant therapy
• Incorporation of novel biomarkers into clinical trial designs combined with improved classification of molecular subtypes may help to predict which patients are likely to benefit from taxane treatment

Halfway Through Chemo...And I Know What I Want to Celebrate When It's Finished!

I've now had 6 of the 12 weekly chemo sessions with Taxol and the hormonal therapy drug, Herceptin. YAY!!!!

First, I'd like everyone to know:

1. It doesn't hurt. Like, at all, going in. At least not if you have a medi-port/Power Port . The IVs inserted into a vein can really smart.

2. I keep having to take more medication, for the side effects of the medicine/chemo I'm taking. Which got me thinking of the old HBO program of the 80s, Not Necessarily the News. They once had a mock commerical skit in which one of two women having lunch, complains to her friend about having a headache.

The friend pulls a bottle of headache medicine out of her purse for her friend.

Headache woman responds, "But doesn't that give you internal bleeding?"

"Yes, but that's why you take.....(reaching into her purse again) this!! It relieves the internal bleeding caused by -----."

"Oh, I've heard of that. Unfortunately, it can gas and bloating, right?"

And so it goes. By the end of the skit, there are sixteen bottles of medicine on the lunch table.


So, I've been thinking about what I'd really like (it's expensive) to celebrate the end of chemo/this phase of getting rid (hopefully) of breast cancer and reclaiming my body, blah, blah, blah, celebrate my womanhood, yadah, yadah, yadah, reward the "girls."

Really expensive lingerie!! (A shoutout to Hips and Curves store for plus size women!)

And you know, after what I've been though...I want the matching hat, too!!

I'm hoping CJ won't mind.