Thursday, November 12, 2009

My Top-Five List of Who I Don't Plan on Flashing

I'm certainly not shy about showing what the new boobie looks like to anyone who asks. Except for those listed below. Not that I think, for one instant, that they want to behold it in all it's glory, but rather because it would be extremely embarassing to us both.

1. My dad. Really, when was the last time you flashed your father. I managed to make it through puberty without acknowledging any change and faked my way through pregnancy, too. Honest, Dad, Elizabeth was a "virgin birth."

2. My brother, Andy. Ick. I can't remember that last time visual nakeness occured between the two of us (I have mercifully blocked it out) but I'm sure it happened sometime between the years that I was forced to change his diapers and him peeing on me, (there's an almost 6 year age difference between us) and when my mother decided to stop being cheap and forcing us to share the same hotel room bed on our yearly Easter trips to Florida. (When I got fed up with Andy's Darth Vader-like breathing and pinched his nose shut and covered his mouth in the middle of night. He though I was trying to kill him! Ah...that crazy kid.)

3. My father-in-law. Enough said. I was embarrassed enough when I when we had to share a bathroom in their old house. I turned on the faucet every time I used the toliet. Because I'm paranoid and private like that.

4. My brother-in-law, Mike. Really, as much fun as it is to torment him with the threat of that, I think leaving his niece, alone and outside of his front door with a note pinned to her shirt saying, "Uncle Mike and Aunt Lisa, Mom and Dad said they need the weekend off. My clothes and the cat are in the bag. They said they will see you Tuesday," is a much funnier practical joke. Yes, we will be filming this for YouTube and no, we wouln't actually leave her.

5 My friend Sabina's husband, Joe. He's new to the family and we don't want to scare him too much...yet.

A word to my male friends, Bill and Dave. You've already seen the "full show" when I was nursing. Yawn. Moving on now.

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